Practice the Pause (When It's Most Difficult)

This time last year, I was enjoying these flowers. While they can’t yet emerge in the mountain town I’m currently exploring, these flowers are inspiring me to practice the pause when it’s most difficult here.

And today, I can safely say that it’s probably most difficult for me to be mindful and practice the pause when I witness others not choosing self-control.

Ironic. Isn’t it?

I have the most trouble practicing the pause (self-control) when I see others not practicing self-control. We all need help with this.

For instance, when someone is upset and not maintaining self-control, I think:

• they appear upset (which is okay)

• I want them to remain kind (or to kindly excuse themselves until they can be kind)

• I want them to process their upset privately (behind closed doors, with support)

That makes me feel safe—when others care about protecting everyone within eyeshot and earshot.

I don’t want anyone to be harmed by the naturally chaotic emotions that flail within when one feels upset. I want all to care enough about humanity to protect one another while processing difficulty.

Even if individuals don’t know (or like) each other.

Even in this mountain town, where it seems status, wealth, and arrogance attempt to thrive. Where a different norm can grow.

I want to see and hear upset processed as safely as toxic waste is processed. So flowers can grow.

And I need to practice self-control in response to another’s upset.

I need to pause, witness non-judgmentally what is happening within, and breathe until strong emotions pass.

I love this community toolkit, which shares about this mindfulness and how to pause:

“When we pause a … song … everything stops.

“Wouldn’t it be nice at times if we could pause or stop things … around us … long enough to take a big, deep breath?

“When our emotions are high … we tend to react without thinking.

“We let our emotions determine how we think, act, or engage … and that can make us feel … worse.

“Stopping when we’re having strong feelings isn’t easy … it takes practice.

“But when we learn to pause … we take control of our emotions and our lives … and that can make us all feel better.”

When we practice this mindful behavior—pausing—we make a positive action feel familiar, comforting, and normal.

And that normal? That normal becomes who we are.