Humans Who Harm—Abusers (and Psychopaths)
As someone who spent a significant portion of my life surrounded by abusers (and psychopaths), I had to learn safety skills—how to identify and navigate humans who harm.
For the safety and sanity of humanity, I believe all good humans must learn how to detect abusers (and psychopaths), too.
I believe it’s the only way to prevent the individuals who cause harm from obtaining power over anyone or anything … including courts and nations.
For we can encounter abusers (and psychopaths) anywhere we travel or live. They pass before us, including on television. They can impact our mental and physical health anywhere.
The problem is that many humans don’t know when they’re witnessing an abuser (or a psychopath) … or all that these harmful individuals are capable of.
When abusers (and psychopaths) go undetected, they can get away with whatever they wish.
Abusers (and psychopaths) ravage our world. Locally. Regionally. Nationally. Internationally.
I define an abuser as one who has a pattern of harming, whether they harm strangers, acquaintances, household members, relatives, employees, institutions, leaders, or nations.
Abusers might be wealthy or not. Abusers might be white or not. Abusers might be old or not. Abusers might be male or not.
Innocent victims forced to protect themselves via self-defense are not abusers. They are innocent victims being forced to protect themselves via self-defense.
Abusers might abuse at random, daily, for brief moments, or for prolonged periods. They might abuse anyone or anything they come across. We might never see the abuser as they abuse.
It all matters. Abuse is abuse.
Abuse is their value system. Abuse is a choice they make. Abuse brings them feelings they like.
Even if an abuser has other challenges (pain, trauma, addiction, money) or even if an abuser fits under other labels (the list is long), those challenges and labels are not why an abuser abuses.
An abuser values abuse. An abuser justifies abuse. An abuser likes abuse.
This means no matter who is before us (in person or on-screen), and no matter how special we want to believe they are, we must first determine if they’re an abuser (or psychopath).
Critical thinking is required.
And this critical thinking is easy because abusers typically all follow the same playbook, a pretty simple pattern. Once we see it, clarity falls into place.
I believe this knowledge is imperative for our collective safety—to help prevent further (worse) harm. Thus, I beg all good humans to read the following three resources…
The Gift of Fear
The Gift of Fear shows us which signals can protect us from violence. Violators do not dress identically on the outside, which can throw us off. But the details (and the checklist) in this book show us how to spot danger, no matter how one might appear. There’s one sentence in this book I don’t agree with (nobody is perfect). This is, absolutely, a necessary book.
Why Does He Do That?
Why Does He Do That? takes us inside the minds of abusers and the seemingly identical (predictable) thinking, speaking, and behavioral patterns they all tend to follow. If an abuser is female, wherever the book says “he” I think “abuser” (as anyone can be an abuser—and, again, an abuser is not the innocent victim who must utilize self-defense).
Without Conscience
Without Conscience shares how we can spot and navigate the psychopaths among us. I’ve found this knowledge helps prevent so much confusion and harm on this spectrum. Psychopaths are far more common, appear far more normal, and they are far more dangerous than we think. I’ve found this book provides more safety, sanity, and calm for ourselves and our loved ones.