Relaxing My Mind

I somehow arrived in this world with a mind that endlessly notices, wonders, asks, and processes. If I want to relax my mind, I must sometimes take drastic steps.

While young, this endless mind activity was a burden to others. I’d often hear irritation, exhaustion, or exasperation in those responding to me.

Except for the dear mother of a childhood friend. She said that she always loved having conversations with me. I’m still touched. I loved having conversations with her, too.

As an adult, many still tell me that I overthink, that I analyze too much, and that I should allow my mind (and theirs) to relax.

Oh my goodness. I genuinely love peace, calm, and being present in this moment. But my mind just keeps going.

This endless mind activity led adults to place me into gifted classes. I didn’t know what that meant, exactly, and I was afraid to ask. I just didn't want to be seen as different.

Nobody thought to explain what institutes, researchers, and doctors have known about why some brains don’t rest like most minds rest—that these brains appear to be…

• different from the norm (neurodiverse)

• unusually alert (even in infancy)

• concentrating intensely (including while connecting with others, which some find uncomfortable)

• preoccupied with thoughts

• profoundly curious

• asking endless probing “why” questions

• needing precision and nuance (“that depends…”)

• highly sensitive

• emotionally deep (forgotten connection can feel like the end of the world)

• introspective about the meaning of life (questioning deep issues)

• idealistic

• concerned with social, political, global, and injustice issues at an early age

• seeing the world in complex ways

• thinking abstractly, logically (hopefully sometimes insightfully)

• defaulting to solving problems

• needing constant mental stimulation

• interested in a wide range of things (or highly focused in one area)

• interested in experimenting and doing things differently

• rapidly absorbing, learning, and processing

• working far ahead

• pausing to dive deeply into areas of interest

• putting ideas or things together that are not typical

• needing to understand the “big picture” (work backward/learn whole-to-part)

• organizing through complex schemas

• remembering as many details as possible

• having high expectations of self and others

• presenting as a perfectionist (about making mistakes, believing I can do better, being self-critical, analyzing and re-analyzing)

• anxious over separation in new situations (the unfamiliar is very scary)

• feeling high and low while learning (effortless to learn or easily discouraged … need to break down steps to see how to do it)

• trying hard or not trying at all (all or nothing)

• struggling to concentrate on tasks not intellectually challenging (repetitious, rote)

• struggling with multiple-choice questions that expect definitive answers without extensive contextual background (struggle to choose one of many options because of all the potential unknown details—all of which I proceed to contemplate)

• seeming older than peers

• having difficulty connecting with same-age peers

• challenged when same-age peers don’t hold the same standards

• feeling awkward with those who can’t understand/are not interested in complex ideas

• seeking older/individuals who share similar interests

• expressing a quirky, unusual (hopefully sometimes keen) sense of humor

• expressing imaginatively (which sometimes concerns others)

• desiring communication and to be understood

My mind cycles through the above again and again. All day long. It just doesn't stop. Then I’m ready for more.

Add in the fact that I was born into familial chaos, and I’ve also felt anxious much of my life, simply wanting to hide, yet thinking I must pretend to fit in.

I now understand how important it is to embrace and process all of this—how important it is to also take time to relax my mind.

Especially since I want others to experience a sense of calm and peace around me, too. I don’t want to get in the way of another relaxing.

So I’m grateful for the many relaxation techniques available to all of us. However, there’s a simple gesture that seems to relax my mind immediately.

I place my hands together as if I’m going to pray.

Even though I’m not religious in any formal way—and I don’t pray when I do this. I place my hands together as if I’m going to pray.

I hold this gesture for as long as desired, whether sitting, standing, walking, or listening—no matter where I am or what I might be doing.

This gesture stills me.